There isn't a day that goes by where I don't, at some point, think of you. Or, some kind of memory we once shared. It's like I look at a certain thing, hear a certain song or even eat a certain food and suddenly I am reminded of you, and times we shared, the conversations we had, the best friend you used to be. I know I ruined it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I miss you so much yet you don't seem to at all. Because I still hesitate and the sound of your voice, even hearing your name but you don't even blink at the sound of mine. Because I'm trying my hardest to let things go back to normal yet you don't even bother to put in the effort to make things work. I'm sorry because once again, I'm crying over you while you're probably having the time of your life.
Sometimes late at night I think about all the things that have been, all the things that haven’t been and all the things yet to be. If my heart could explode into a billion tiny pieces and scatter themselves all over the world. If I could live on sunlight and the city sounds and fall asleep in those thousands of lighted windows. I wonder if this world will ever make sense to me, if I will ever truly understand anything… and if there’s really anything to understand at all.
You and I both know how much things have changed. You used to be everything; you used to mean the world to me. Since you walked out that door and forgot about me I've been trying my hardest to do the same to you. But it's not working. Because every time I look at you I see memories of what we used to be. I see how far apart we've grown and how much you don't need me in your life anymore. Every time I look at you my heart breaks - over and over again.
And I find it quite funny that it's now that we barely speak that I realise you're not as perfect as I, for so long, believed you were. All the imperfections are clear to me now. But somehow you still seem perfect for me and it's utterly killing me.
Stuck holding onto nothing, I struggle to keep smiling. I look at you, you see right through me and my heart breaks, but I keep smiling. I feel like nobody; when I'm this close to breaking down and crying, but I keep smiling. Because if you're allowed to be happy then I will prove to you that I can be too. I will show you that I can smile for a reason that is not because of you. I will smile, even if the smile I wear is always fake.
Sometimes late at night I think about all the things that have been, all the things that haven’t been and all the things yet to be. If my heart could explode into a billion tiny pieces and scatter themselves all over the world. If I could live on sunlight and the city sounds and fall asleep in those thousands of lighted windows. I wonder if this world will ever make sense to me, if I will ever truly understand anything… and if there’s really anything to understand at all.
You and I both know how much things have changed. You used to be everything; you used to mean the world to me. Since you walked out that door and forgot about me I've been trying my hardest to do the same to you. But it's not working. Because every time I look at you I see memories of what we used to be. I see how far apart we've grown and how much you don't need me in your life anymore. Every time I look at you my heart breaks - over and over again.
And I find it quite funny that it's now that we barely speak that I realise you're not as perfect as I, for so long, believed you were. All the imperfections are clear to me now. But somehow you still seem perfect for me and it's utterly killing me.
Stuck holding onto nothing, I struggle to keep smiling. I look at you, you see right through me and my heart breaks, but I keep smiling. I feel like nobody; when I'm this close to breaking down and crying, but I keep smiling. Because if you're allowed to be happy then I will prove to you that I can be too. I will show you that I can smile for a reason that is not because of you. I will smile, even if the smile I wear is always fake.
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